Archive for the 'theos/God' Category

my first book is out! free download!

blur//COVER

Mission accomplished!

My very first book, entitled blur: finding jesus in a fuzzy world has finally been released to the world, like an endangered snowy tiger cub… pushed out of the nest… or something.

In reality, it’s nothing like that, but having finally birthed this book out of my computerwomb, I think I can almost relate to that fictional mother tiger-bird, at least on some proverbial, nonsensical level.

For now, my book will be available for FREE in eBook (PDF) format, easily (and enjoyably!) readable on all computers that were born after 1990 or so.

My giddy ridiculousness is reaching an all time high, so in the interest of sanity, head over to joshAllan.com and download your copy today!

Click HERE or the book cover above to get your blur!

Thanks so much for reading and supporting my artistry!

//>

P.S. If you or someone you know could help me get this book into good ol’ paper-and-ink form (there’s just something about a real book…), please email me!

P.P.S. If you’re on Facebook, please come join my blur group HERE!

If you liked that, then try these…

honest

interview with mclaren

suspense

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two kingdoms

Yesterday I had a fantastic conversation with one of my best friends in the entire world. Gabe (yes, that Gabe) and I talked for two and a half hours (not a normal thing, if you didn’t know, for two people with a male disposition), and covered pretty much, well, everything. We talked about tax laws, socialism, social justice, politics, starting families, raising kids, places to live, the godlessness of Europe, the godlessness of America, back injuries, back surgeries, succsess stories, master’s degrees, laziness, my job, his lack of job, our frustrations with jobs in general, getting older, and (hopefully) getting better.

In the course of our conversation — in the midst of the “social/politics” section — I had one of those mental epiphanies, where the clouds clear in fast-forward and a concept is sharpened, like I just put my glasses on.

Talking about our frustrations with the world and with the way that politics and governments interfere with human lives, I suddenly saw, as if for the first time, that there really are two kingdoms. (Forgive me as I try to communicate the picture in my head.) I know the “kingdom” word is a bit archaic, but I like it because it implies something imperialistic and vast, powerful and complex: think “Lord of the Rings.”

There is first “kingdom” that exists for nothing but itself, for the propagation of me, that desires power and position above all else, and will stop at nothing to get it. You don’t have to look very far to see this kingdom: turn on Fox News, pick up a newspaper, go to CNN.com, or read Boomsday.

Then there is another “kingdom” I see the outlines of — it’s a subversive, underground movement, really. This kingdom has no power, in the traditional sense. When looked upon by the first, has no prestige or position to speak of. But it exists, it is real. The main thing that differentiates it from the first is that it actually exists for the other kingdom — the kingdom that would (and often does) desire to crush it. It exists to liberate the captives of Kingdom #1. (To further elucidate what I’m talking about here, read The Secret Message of Jesus.)

There is already a book out there that uses a lot of this imagery, and it’s called the bible. But the problem is that, at least for someone like me who grew up around this book, I think our interpretation has been off. When the bible makes dichotomized statements about “the world” and “God’s kingdom” we have often mistook that to mean “non-follower” and “follower of Jesus,” respectively. But we’re not making it big enough! Kingdoms — empires, worlds — are made of many people; they are, by necessity, comprised of group dynamic.

I have a major issue with most christian-type people i know and the dualistic way that they think. (I actually have a whole chapter about this in my upcoming book, blur, which is SO close to being done and released I could just about spit.) Simply, we put people into categories — us versus them — and then wonder why we can’t love them. This is unhelpful, wrong, unfortunately very easy to do, and is a complete detriment to following Jesus, as he was radically inclusive.

The whole “parting-clouds” moment still didn’t happen for me, though, until, as I said, I put in the social/political factor.

The truth is that, until our belief moves from idea to action, from philosophy to praxis, from psyche to the streets, it doesn’t really matter. What you believe doesn’t really make a difference until it actually influences you to do something.

The first kingdom won’t care about what the second says until it senses enough action to imply a power struggle; unfortunately, the people who desire to occupy the second kingdom don’t often make enough waves to actually rock the boat. So we exist in this informational purgatory, where nobody gets hurt, but nobody ever gets better, either.

We will not even see these kingdoms until we move beyond rhetoric into reality — until we begin helping the poor, feeding the hungry, liberating the rich.

Until we inject our message with enough passion for justice to actually get off our fattened bottoms and DO something, I have to question what kingdom we’re really a part of. (Things Jesus said like this make a lot more sense now.) Our opinions can float us peacefully by all day long, but it means something different entirely if we’re getting thrown in real jails.

If we can re-adjust our focus to see the kingdoms that are at war, I think we’ll notice the split that really does exist. There is a sharp political implication to the message of Jesus, and viewed in that light, the things he said seem to start to make a lot more sense…

This is just the beginning.

(Sorry this blog is such a mess — I know it’s pretty disjointed and incomplete. Hopefully you were still able to salvage some part of what I’m trying to communicate! And yes, I get the irony that I’m writing this call to action in a blog, but believe me, I’m desperately trying to figure out the answer to the next obvious question: “Well, what should I do, then?” More coming soon!)

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holden caulfield on jesus, etc.

Thus spake Holden Caulfield:

“I felt like praying or something, when I was in bed, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t always pray when I feel like it. In the first place, I’m sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, but I don’t care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible. Take the Disciples, for instance. They annoy the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth. They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, they were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head. All they did was keep letting Him down.

I like almost anybody in the Bible better than the Disciples. If you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was that lunatic and all, that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with stones. I like him ten times as much as the Disciples, that poor bastard.

I used to get in quite a few arguments about it, when I was at the Whooton School, with this boy that lived down the corridor, Arthur Childs. Old Childs was a Quaker and all, and he read the Bible all the time. He was a very nice kid, and I liked him, but I could never see eye to eye with him on a lot of stuff in the Bible, especially the Disciples. He kept telling me if I didn’t like the Disciples, then I didn’t like Jesus and all. He said that because Jesus picked the Disciples, you were supposed to like them. I said I knew He picked them, but that He picked them at random. I said He didn’t have time to go around analyzing everybody. I said I wasn’t blaming Jesus or anything. It wasn’t His fault that He didn’t have any time.

I remember I asked old Childs if he thought Judas, the one that betrayed Jesus and all, went to Hell after he committed suicide. Childs said certainly. That’s exactly where I disagreed with him. I said I’d bet a thousand bucks that Jesus never sent old Judas to Hell. I still would, too, if i had a thousand bucks. I think any one of the Disciples would’ve sent him to Hell and all — and fast, too — but I’ll bet anything Jesus didn’t do it.

Old Childs said the trouble with me was that I didn’t go to church or anything. He was right about that, in a way. I don’t. In the first place, my parents are different religions, and all the children in our family are atheist. If you want to know the truth, I can’t even stand ministers. The ones they’ve had at every school I’ve gone to, they have these Holy Joe voices when they start giving their sermons. God, I hate that. I don’t see why the hell they can’t talk in their natural voice. They sound so phony when they talk.”

- J.D. Salinger, The Catcher In The Rye (p. 130-131)

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crazy but not alone

The world may call us crazy, but we are not alone.

“The good-humored teacher and street-corner prophet Peter Maurin, cofounder of the Catholic Worker movement, put it this way: ‘If we are crazy, then it is because we refuse to be crazy in the same way the the world has gone crazy.’

What’s crazy is a matter of perspective.

After all, what is crazier: one person owning the same amount of money as the combined economies of twenty-three countries, or suggesting that if we shared, there would be enough for everyone?

What is crazier: spending billions of dollars on a defense shield, or suggesting that we share our billions of dollars so we don’t need a defense shield?

What is crazier: maintaining arms contracts with 154 countries while asking the world to disarm its weapons of mass destruction, or suggesting that we lead the world in disarmament by refusing to deal weapons with over half of the world and by emptying the world’s largest stockpile here at home?

What’s crazy is that the US, less than 6 percent of the world’s population, consumes nearly half of the world’s resources, and that the average American consumes as much as 520 Ethiopians do, while obesity is declared a ‘national health crisis.’

Someday war and poverty will be crazy, and we will wonder how the world allowed such things to exist. Some of us have just caught a glimpse of the beauty of the promised land, and it is so dazzling that our eyes are forever fixed on it, never to look back at the way of that old empire again.”

– Shane Claiborne, The Irresistible Revolution (p. 344)

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Private: no more pictures today.

Apparently i’ve given up.

Again.

I seem to be “blessed” with the ability to be entirely consumed with what some call “artistic instability” and the cognitive awareness to concurrently see that I’m in it.

Seriously… what the hell!?

I don’t even know when this one happened to me; when I gave up (again), iImean.

I’m normally an emotionally strong, balanced, hopeful individual — I think. At least I used to be. But my life post-college has seemed like a tricky downhill slide that I can’t stop, a roller coaster that looked fun at first but now can’t get off. Or as the noted theologian Butch Walker says: “After all this time, you were waiting on the ride, to stop at the place where they slowly misplaced your life.”

I’ve been fuled by adrenaline since moving to SoCal, I think. The newness of everything here is finally beginning to wear off, and I’ve settled in to the doldrums of what my daily life is going to look like now.

It’s strange… you think you’ve grown, that you’ve matured past the confines of unrealistic expectations of people and places, but then you blink, 4 months pass, and you realize you didn’t, and maybe never will, outgrow such tendencies.

To have a job that pays you to figure out how to get people to connect with each other and with God… huh. It’s a bizarre thing.

Every six months or so, I give up on people. Not like specific people, but the whole human race, mostly. And then I go watch a movie like “Syriana.” That doesn’t help matters any.

I give up on other things, too, like church.

If I had to pick, this would probably be my favorite thing to give up on; I do it on more like a bi-monthly basis, probably. It’s just such an easy target, you know? It’s so broken and fucked up and all, and the people who are leading it (i.e. ME - again… huh?) often seem to have way more questions about it than anyone else.

Attending my church’s gathering this past Sunday was like watching a vacuous, pointless, guilt-driven affair that a depressed, hopeless lover can’t help but participate in because it’s all there is. It’s where she exists; it’s tunnel-vision of the grandest variety.

I wanted to drive the hell away and not look back.

But here I am, back to “work,” reading and praying and thinking (which all seem to also happen concurrently for me, most of the time… i don’t even really know how to separate them anymore) about how to change it. The simple answer is: I have no clue.

I read a biography about C.S. Lewis last night; he’s one of my heroes. He says that the writing ends when the pictures stop being painted in your head and there’s nothing left to describe.

No more pictures today.

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the last day of school

Maybe it was because it feels like spring (about 60 degrees and sunny here in Colorado) or maybe it was because I just got my last shift covered at the Buck, but for whatever reason, today felt like the last day of school.

Remember that feeling?

The rumbling anticipation, the giddy happiness, the tart spring air, the budding green on trees, the strange contentment that can only come with completing something; with the grateful closing of a chapter and the thrilling start of something new?

Man, it’s been a long time since I felt that… but today I did.

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the lovely bones

I wrote this response on December 10th, 2005, at 3:33pm up in Vail, Colorado, right after finishing a book by Alice Sebold called “The Lovely Bones;” its aftershocks are potent, and it is a book I highly recommend.

————

It shakes me heavily how someone can compose something so poignantly beautiful out of a story so horrifically tragic.

Life does not exist in separate blocks of happy and then sad, but these emotions are constantly juxtaposed, eternally vying for attention. My thoughts are forever torn between memories that stab like icicles and thoughts that make something inside me literally bubble with emotion, as if I may at any moment break into song or laughter or crying or some unknown, frightening combination.

Today, as life is starting (my sister is having a baby today — right now, actually), so also life is disintegrating as I, we, all grow older, some pieces of us fading to black and some lighting up with color in previously unexplored places.

And time; time is not our enemy but our healer — a disturbing, patient ghost that forever ties us together with infinite strands: moments.

If we could only find a way to marry our atoms to the moment we’re living, I think we would find our life’s music in tune.

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to believe in God

“To believe in God is to believe in the salvation of the world. The paradox of our time is that those who believe in God do not believe in the salvation of the world, and those who believe in the future of the world do not believe in God.”

“Christians believe in ‘the end of the world;’ they expect the final catastrophe, the punishment of others.”

“Atheists in their turn… refuse to believe in God because christians believe in him and take no interest in the world…”

“Which is the more culpable ignorance?”

“…I often say to myself that, in our religion, God must feel very much alone: for is there anyone besides God who believes in the salvation of the world? God seeks among us sons and daughters who resemble him enough, who love the world enough so that he could send them into the world to save it.”

– Louis Evely, In the Christian Spirit (Image, 1975)

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what if

“What ifs” can kill you.

It’s hard not to indulge their sweet fantasies occasionally, however.

Like what if I’d not moved to Colorado? What if I’d have gone to the west coast for college instead of moving to Denver? What I’d not gotten married when I did? (And would my moving to California 6 years ago for college have ensured that I’d never have even MET Allison?)

Obviously, the answer to all these questions is a resounding “hell if I know,” but that doesn’t seem to prevent me from asking them early in the morning these days when I just seem to wake up a philosopher.

It’s fun (albeit a bit terrifying) to think about the “what if,” despite how utterly inconsequential it is. We can’t change these things — they are already written in the history of time — and yet we wonder. We wonder what might have been, when all we should be doing is looking ahead. Or should we? Couldn’t a comprehensive picture of our lives (and the lives of others, for that matter) assist us in understanding our time-span here? Could our musings and wonderings be so worthwhile that it is simply a travesty that we don’t tend to them more often?

I don’t really know — if you read the drivel I write, you’ll find that I have a damned lot of questions, and maybe even more opinions, but typically no answers to speak of. But maybe it’s not bad just to think.

//

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storms

Today in Michigan it rained;

The sky turned a blue the shade
Of a deep, angry ocean
And the atmosphere cracked
Like someone quite large was
Ripping the sky in half.

It
Was
Beautiful.

If you liked that, then try these…

temple of noise

tears

the lovely bones

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