josh Allan

we were driving back from los angeles the other night having a good ‘ol time, singing at the top of our lungs to the majestic “bohemian rhapsody,” when suddenly i hear something pop. it wasn’t really a “pop” i guess, and actually, i didn’t really “hear” it either. i more felt it, somewhere at the base of my throat, in that soft recessed part where the noises come from.

i think i bruised a vocal cord or something.

today it feels like somebody’s choking me, pretty much constantly. and all i can think about is how my quality of life was infinitely better 24 hours ago.

i’m obsessive. it’s haunting me every waking moment. i’m miserable, and while it doesn’t hurt physically, per se, the choking feeling is getting rather annoying and my borderline hypochondriac-ness is telling me that i’m probably damaged forever. i’ll never sing with freddie mercury again.

if you’re sick, all you want is to get better. now, that makes sense. but how about this: once you are better, you never ONCE think about how nice it is to not be sick.

when you don’t have money, all you want is more. but when you have it, it’s never enough. someone once asked mr. more-money-than-God Rockefeller how much money would be enough. his response? “just a little more.”

we can never, ever, get enough. we can never ever be well enough. it is never… ever… good enough.

my question is WHY.

i’ve heard the typical human depravity selfishness self-absorbed nonsense, which is probably all true, but what if it’s something bigger than that?

what if it’s because we’re supposed to never be sick?

what if it’s because we’re supposed to never worry about money?

what if…?

this is my Theory of Never Enough: while we are in this life, i don’t think we will ever, EVER have enough of anything. it will never be good enough, because it can’t be. why’s that? well, that’s my Theory of Broken, and that will be in my book. Coming soon (seriously)!