Never really thought I’d think that Five For Fighting title would be so cool… but I do now.
Over the past week or so, I’ve come to realize that I’m a guy who needs to be battling for something all the time. I’m sure some people see it as disagreeableness or arrogance or ignorance or just plain, damned frustrating behavior (poor Allison), but it’s not like that.
Well, it might be frustrating.
I fight for things because I care — and as plain and boring and cliche as the word “care” is, it’s really true. I want to be a person that believes in things so much that I can feel good about fighting for them.
Thus enters the problem: right now I have nothing to fight for. Simple and true — I belong to no groups of consequence, I am part of no community, I am doing almost nothing with my life that has any semblance of meaning, with the exception of music (although even that seems somewhat devoid of purpose when disconnected from a group of peers to work with) and my relationships (which are a given, I hope — and hopefully I am not neglecting those.) So, I think the consequence of me not having any proverbial torch to carry results in my incessant bitching about things that don’t really matter (e.g. STARBUCKS). Kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? It does to me. A little.
As of late, I have been desperately longing for an opportunity to do something great; to lead and help people (and really, those two are the same thing for me). It all started by reading Dom Testa’s new book Galahad 2, which, given, is a young adult science fiction book, but you have to understand how good it is. Not only is Dom a great friend of mine, but he’s a fantastic writer and storyteller, and has created a world that almost rivals Harry Potter for me (honest). In any case, this book tells a story about a group of kids charged to lead a larger group of kids on a mission to a new planet, to propagate humanity after the destruction of earth. Adventure? Sure. But mostly what I see is the one girl, Triana, who is the ship’s commander and the leader of the whole big mess. Now there’s a job that means something. The battle for everything.
And I want to fight so badly.
Then, after reading that book, I met with my boys, the small-t trinity, and we ripped each other’s philosophies apart for about 6 hours. It was incredible. Even just discussing things that matter totally gets me jazzed. And now my friend Mike just called me up talking about exciting things happening at Mars Hill and their college ministry there — I feel absolutely desperate right now to do something with my life.
I am a fighter, and I’m coming to terms with it. I just hope the people closest to me can see through my constant battling and into the passion that drives it… maybe that’ll make it a little less annoying.
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