Archive for August, 2005

what if

Published on August 24, 2005 in alethia/truth, theos/God and zoe/life. 0 Comments

“What ifs” can kill you.

It’s hard not to indulge their sweet fantasies occasionally, however.

Like what if I’d not moved to Colorado? What if I’d have gone to the west coast for college instead of moving to Denver? What I’d not gotten married when I did? (And would my moving to California 6 years ago for college have ensured that I’d never have even MET Allison?)

Obviously, the answer to all these questions is a resounding “hell if I know,” but that doesn’t seem to prevent me from asking them early in the morning these days when I just seem to wake up a philosopher.

It’s fun (albeit a bit terrifying) to think about the “what if,” despite how utterly inconsequential it is. We can’t change these things — they are already written in the history of time — and yet we wonder. We wonder what might have been, when all we should be doing is looking ahead. Or should we? Couldn’t a comprehensive picture of our lives (and the lives of others, for that matter) assist us in understanding our time-span here? Could our musings and wonderings be so worthwhile that it is simply a travesty that we don’t tend to them more often?

I don’t really know — if you read the drivel I write, you’ll find that I have a damned lot of questions, and maybe even more opinions, but typically no answers to speak of. But maybe it’s not bad just to think.

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suspense

Published on August 23, 2005 in alethia/truth, glossa/language and techni/art. 0 Comments

Taken from an interview with Wes Craven in The Denver Post, Friday, August 19, 2005

Q: You’ve said that “horror films don’t create fear, they release it.” Does suspense work in the same way?

A: Well, it deals with things that are deeply disturbing. But it’s more a psychological, spiritual thing. My feeling is people wouldn’t want to go into theaters and be scared if it wasn’t doing something good for them. And the only thing it could be doing for them is evoking fears and dealing with them in narrative.

Narrative is just one of the great, mysterious forces of the planet that human beings have devised to help them deal with some of these things that are so overwhelming. A good scary movie will take you through the worst that somebody what’s very imaginative could imagine and bring you out the other side with a character you’ve followed all the way through and who has survived it. I think that kind of journey is important.

If you liked that, then try these…

the golden compass

distracted

the roof’s not leaking

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what a world wants

Published on August 15, 2005 in alethia/truth and zoe/life. 2 Comments

One of our old friends from college came over tonight; her husband is one of my best friends in the world, but I haven’t seen either of them in probably six months. The thing about this meeting is that I got to feel something I haven’t felt in a long time — a bit of shame.

Most of the time I’m a bit upset and/or frustrated about the way my life is right now. Today I was just sad, really. Down. Bummed out. Today I wasn’t angry, just disappointed.

If you’d have known me in college, I don’t think you would have ever voted me the guy to “most likely work two part-time retail jobs after getting his Bachelor’s.” I’m not saying that I was The Man or anything, but I was totally friends with him. In college I dreamed big and, honestly, my dreams usually came true. I was untouchable; I was resourceful; I was blessed.

But my friend that stopped by… she reminded me of everything I’m not. I am ashamed now because she knew me when I was “that person” in college — when I was a bright, energetic, optimistic, idealistic leader. Now I am hardly any of that, and I feel like a failure.

I feel like some cosmic force has taken a magnificent dump on me.

Please know that I am generally hyperbolic — I am naturally a very intensely-wired person, which often gives the impression that I am angry. But usually I’m not truly angry, just intense. And being that, I tend to exaggerate just a bit. Occasionally. Once in awhile.

Not everything in my life has been shat upon, of course. Allison is my favorite person in the whole world, and I get to see her every day — that in itself makes my life pretty grand, in the large scheme of things. But a couple things really make my outlook pretty bleak, right now: a) Homo sapiens of my gender generally find a lot of their worth in what they do, for better or worse, so sadly that currently puts me in the “worse” category and b) being the intensely driven personality I am, I am always longing for more. Right now I’m simply not getting more of anything, and it makes me sad.

I never thought that this is the life I would live, in terms of work, anyhow. I have always wished, hoped, prayed that I could do something fantastic for the world, but keeping the caffeine-dependent pleasantly placated (Starbucks) and the horrendously rich up-do-date with their technology (Apple) just isn’t seeming to cut it.

I know it is terribly, predictably cliche to complain about one’s life post-college, but I hope you’re not under the impression that I like doing it. Sometimes I think people think I really enjoy bitching — I certainly do it enough; that train of thought wouldn’t surprise me, at least. But I really don’t; I’ve really grown uber-tired of all my whining. I just want to do something that I am good at, something that actually uses my brain, something that challenges me and lets me really help other people.

But unless you’re already rich, well-connected, or some kind of celebrity (in which case you’re probably both), it seems the world doesn’t want your ideas — it simply wants your conformity.

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